Be On My Side
When you obey all the rules and conformed to the known way to be successful in life, you ended up completed shattered, then what? So you want to try an unfamiliar way of living - earn enough to get by as a creative - but the people close to you, including yourself, doubt if it is possible.
This is a story about how to stay on course when the odds are stacked against the one who dare to be different, those who dare to try.
Before we get into the seemingly mad decision, let’s talk about how I used to live, a 9-5 desk job (more like 10-8 for me), Monday to Friday, in big cooperates. This is the type of work the current society encourages. Also, I was told since I was a child, this is THE way to a stable and fulfilling life.
I believed in it (why wouldn’t I?). I learnt to regurgitate “knowledge” I need to master as a child (I still don’t know how to use trigonometric in real life, but hey, I got a B+ for it!), got a job-market-approved degree (good luck to those who study philosophy!), then straight to career ladder climbing.
It wasn’t easy for me, but I got there and people congratulated me. For the first time in my life, I got the validation I can only dream of as a child.
And that is addictive.
For the next 2 decades, I worked as hard as I can for more validation. Busier schedule, more flights, bigger titles. I thought I was happy, but the truth is I was not and didn’t even know about it. (well, I didn’t know it is called numbness back then. It was a dark place to be in).
I was a high performing individual, living a life that is designed by others.
One day (a day I will never forget), in my power suit, in heels and all, got into a career defining interview with excitement and hope. I came out of it feeling devalued, crushed. Finally, I realised that, in all these years, I was climbing a long, treacherous ladder to a glass ceiling (…the price I paid for doing too well in the role I was in!).
That day, the glass ceiling came down and took me with it.
I was shattered.
When I was gluing myself back into a somewhat functioning being, I asked myself, now what? Do I go back and try again? Or find another way?
After pages and pages of pros and cons analysis (Yes, I still do that!) and even a self eulogy (I know I know, it is morbid and seems drastic, but it is necessary, a story for another day). The conclusion is that I owe it to myself to try something else.
Failing doesn’t bother me, not trying does.
The major downside of taking on this alternative path are in two folds. The obvious one is the lack of financial stability, the not so obvious biggie is the lack of emotional support from the people who are close to us.
It is the second one I want to focus on.
For those of us trying to step out of the rat race in the middle of a seemingly bright career, usually had been brought up in an environment that celebrates predictable 9-5 desk jobs.
So then, how do you thrive as an artist when the one closest to you secretly wants you to go back to the hamster wheel? Back to something they are familiar with.
Bloody difficult!
I can sense the vibes when I am around them. Vibes don’t lie!
On top of moaning about it, I thought why don’t I combine my logical and creative sides together and draw a flow chart to help me help you. (Who doesn’t love a good flow charts! Aye?!)
Fellow artists/creatives - Feel free to copy this and make your own version!
What can also be helpful is to ask about my work, find out the process or meaning of the pieces I am working on, research about my interests and share positive findings - just bin the negative ones though, I do not need more, the media is doing an excellent job on it.
The bottom-line is, please do not make it more difficult than it is. Believe me when I say this, I understand your anxiety about money, your doubt about my life choices. I question myself more often than you think.
That brings me to the most important type of supportive environment, self supporting system when I feel like I deserve none.
Like seasons, the feeling of being on the right paths comes and goes. Self-doubt creeps in when I don’t like my drawing, not enough likes on social media, no one reads my posts (just kidding!! Thanks for reading though! Subscribe now 😅) etc.
This is when a self-support system kicks in. All artists have their own process of digging oneself out of the self-loathing hole. For me, I go for walks, journal, draw even more, draw for fun to silent the inner critic.
A system that reminds me that, it is my duty to nurture my talent and make it sparkle! Make it shine so bright that my past self would be proud of me and my future self will be so grateful for staying put.
I give myself permission to try.
The principal in this post can apply to the wider context, when someone we care about choose to live in a way we are unfamiliar with. The best way to show support is to learn more about their ways, listen with intent, and be curious as to why they want/need to go down this path.
Have faith in them, be their safe harbour!
With Love, Vienna
P.S. Full disclosure. I am the lucky one who has a supportive bubble. It didn’t happen on Day 1, but overtime, everyone came around. This post is for the brave creatives who are still staying true to themselves even though they do not have a safe harbour - yet.